[constant "doo wop"s in the background throughout the song]
    Aahh
    Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin')
  Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
  'Cause you found a brand new lover
  You decided that I'm not your kind (aahh..)
    So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex (oohh..)
  And I tore all your pictures in two
  And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
  Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)
    That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'
  I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new
  'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
  Than spend one more minute with you
    I guess I might seem kinda bitter
  You got me feeling down in the dumps
  'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
  And I have to use the self-service pumps
    Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
  You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two
  'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
  Than spend one more minute with you
    I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
  Than watch you going out with other men
  I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
  Again and again and again and again and again
    Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Darlin...
    I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
  Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
  I'd rather clean all the bathroom in Grand Central Station with my tongue
  Than spend one more minute with you
    Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
  Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
  I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
  Than spend one more minute with you
    I'd rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands
  and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die
  Than spend one more minute with you