Hey, I'm feeling so dirty, you're looking so clean
   All you can give is a spin in your washing machine
   I fly off to Rome to my prima bella
   She leaves me in the rain with telescopic umbrella
   Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain <repeated>
  
   I trusted my Venus was untouched in her shell
   But the pearls in her oyster were tacky as hell
   For Lady Godiva I came incognito
   But her driver had stolen her red hot magneto
   Ooh the pain - Modern love can be a strain <repeated>
  
   I don't know why they leave me in the lurch
   To carry on the search
   It's driving me up the wall
   Pity when I have so much passion
   Romance is out of fashion
   Can't handle modern love at all
  
   So I worship Diana by the light of the moon
   When I pull out my pipe she screams out of tune
   In Paris my heart sinks when I see the Mona Lisa
   She gives me the wink, then she shows me the freezer
   Ooh the pain
   Modern love can be a strain